Whose idea was this employee holiday celebration anyway? Isn't the employee really put into a no win situation? If you decline you are shunned. If you accept, you risk loosing your job! I believe company parties should adopt the Vegas slogan....What happens at the company party - stays at the company party! And for heavens' sake - leave the cameras home.
Happy Friday & Happy Parties,
Wendy Finch
Wendy@EasyCEU.com
Barbie's Letter to Santa...
Dear Santa,Listen here tubby, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown. So, here's my holiday wish list for 2010...
1) A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get?
2) Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3) A REAL man. Hey, maybe GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy toy Ken.
4) Arms that actually bend, so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away when he ticks me off.
5) Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.
6) A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7) A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!
8) A new, more modern persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a mini container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9) No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10) Mattel stock options. It's been 51 years - I think I deserve it.
Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new girl for next Christmas. It's just that simple.
Yours Truly,
Barbie
Holiday Cheer...
What to give an optimist & pessimist...
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.Just to see what would happen, on Christmas their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
This Weeks Quote...
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."
~W. C. Fields
